3 am honesty...

3 am honesty... In the moments of silence, back hurting-not sure if it's indigestion or anxiety, because it's piercing through my chest and ribs- I'm trying not to feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 

All I really want right now is relief...

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. No, I am not talking about an old western featuring famous cowboys facing off each other surviving the rugged wild west; but I am talking about facing another wild and rugged place... I call it LIFE.

I am sure you can relate. There are good days, bad days, and just right out ugly days of life.

Trials

Trials... Are you facing any today? Yay! So let's celebrate them.

"WHAT?" I hear you saying it already. "Why in the world would I celebrate my trials?"

The answer... it's Biblical.

Let's get started in the book of James again and see what I am talking about. Grab your Bible, a notebook or your Scripture Study Worksheet, and a pen so we can start digging into this crazy idea of celebrating our trials.

Determination

Where is your determination? How long does it last? Have you taken on the mentality to do anything necessary to get the job done?

To push the forces of hell out of the way, you have to be more determined than hell itself. You have to be willing to do anything necessary to get the job done. The vision before you must be more important than your own personal pleasure. When you adopt this mentality for you life, you will always push through hard times and take significant territory for the Kingdom of God. -Sparkling Gems


You all know by now that I struggle with procrastination, inconsistency, indiscipline and out and out laziness at times.  My prayer over the last few months has been for God to really help me in this area. As we have been going through the prayer journey, one of my biggest requests of God is that He give me a PASSION for His will, being the woman HE wants me to be.


I read this amazing devotional in "Sparkling Gems" by Rick Renner. It really made me think. How determined am I? To be more determined than hell itself is a HUGE call to action and responsibility. I know I am SELDOM really willing to do ANYTHING necessary to get the job done in ANY situation. I do it till it hurts... but once it hurts, I am ready for the recliner, a bubble bath and a good back rub.


I so want to fulfill God's call on my life, yet I am not doing a very good job at pushing through the tough times. It is time to change my mentality and start taking significant territory for the Kingdom of God! If you ever struggle with the same areas, let's join in the prayer together... Thy Kingdom come... THY WILL BE DONE... and PUSH all the way there!

Hiding Out

I don't care where it is... but I am ready to go hide out somewhere! It's been one of those days, and I know you have them too. Maybe today is one of those days for you. Want to join me? Let's just go hide out somewhere!

Why in the world am I wanting to hide so badly? Well, let me just fill you in a little. EVERYTHING is going wrong!!! Ok ok, that may be a BIT of an exaggeration, but it feels like more and more is turning out wrong than right.

Amongst the kids whining in the mornings, learning to communicate effectively in a new relationship, deadlines at work... and of course a computer that has decided to "not respond" after 2 hours of tediously editing a document and being stupid enough not to safe it somewhere along the way....(You know exactly what I am talking about, don't you? Stop laughing!)...I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. Find me a bushel and I am going to go hide under it! Actually, just for the record... instead of hiding, I am just going to blog this on my lunch break. :O)

Isn't that the way Satan works? Right when you are about ready to take your life and let your light SHINE (no matter how big or small), Satan comes in pushes you till you want to go hide out. See, that is so clever. If Satan just came in and snuffed out our fire, then we could blame our failures on him. But NOOOOOO!!!! He IS a sly old devil. IF he can convince us to go hide out, go find a bushel and hide under it; he has accomplished two purposes:

1. No one can see our light if it is under a bushel. If we lift our hands and run to hide out, we are missing our opportunity to SHINE in our situation. We lose the opportunity to let Jesus SHINE through our imperfections and humanity.
2. If we go hide our light under a bushel, we will eventually run out of air and not only will we suffocate, but our light will burn out as well. See... if WE make the decision to go hide, WE are the ones that snuffed out the fire, not Satan. There is nothing worse than someone sitting in pity and self condemnation. Satan wants to hinder our ability to SHINE and defeat our self-confidence as well.

I can tell you this day will probably end up worse before it does better. Quite honestly, I know Satan well enough to know he is going to be on the attack because I am being obedient and finally conquering my fears. Our first SHINE luncheon is in 2 weeks and I will be speaking at a Mother-Daughter banquet the week after. I am nervous, scared, and insecure. There is nothing better Satan would like to do than to defeat me before I even get started. I am about to SHINE and hopefully spark some light in a few people around me. If Satan can put my light out now... he won't have to worry about the FIRE that God has promised to create from my obedience.

Quit hiding under a bushel today! Don't let Satan convince you to put out your own light! Don't let him suffocate you today!

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! Let it SHINE! Let it SHINE! Let it SHINE!"

"Arise, shine, for YOUR light has come and the glory of the Lord rises upon you." -Isaiah 60:1 Remember, when you raise up to shine... you have the promise of God raising up with you. He's got your back, so quit hiding out!

Growth Spurts and Growing Pains

Growth is so amazing. We have a tomato plant my daughter brought home from school growing in our sink. Yes.. in our sink. I am very lazy and haven’t planted it outside yet. So, it is in a tiny little pot sitting in our sink. It has been amazing to watch it grow.

The girls thought it was so cool as I would turn the vine away from the sun in the morning only to find it growing right back in that direction by the end of the day. It has been cool to watch it start to wilt on the days I forget to water it, then come back to life after it gets a few good gulps from watering. Today we saw the first few buds pop out. It seems like it just grew over night.

I could say the same about my kids. My son, now taller than me, seems like he has grown 6 inches in the past year. I guess that may have something to do with why it feels like he is eating me out of house and home at times. I look at pictures from just a year or so ago and wonder what happened to my little boy. My little boy looks like a man. He likes the idea, but mama isn’t exactly thrilled when 16 year old girls ask for him to stop by and visit them at work.

On the other hand, my baby girl has been crying at night. Her feet hurt and the middle daughter complains of her legs hurting. We all know of these infamous “growing pains.” I remember spending nights as a little girl rubbing my legs because the hurt so bad from the bones and muscles stretching with growth.

Growth does amazing things to plants, teenage boys, and pretty little girls. Growth also does some neat things to this mama’s spiritual growth. Funny… I have growth spurts and lots of growing pains in my spiritual growth.

This week has been full of growing pains. I have had to face feelings, emotions, and circumstances that have just been downright painful. I have had to “put on my big girl panties” -as a good friend calls it- and deal with life. Sometimes these things are spiritual and sometimes they are just part of life in general.

One thing I have learned is that no matter what you are facing in life, if you are a Christian, it is going to carry over into your spiritual life. What I have to realize is that these pains are part of the growth process. Just like I tell my little girl when she cries with her legs at night, there isn’t much I can do about it, it is just part of growing up.

I was enlightened about growth spurts too. Just like that plant in the window that withers when it isn’t getting watered. If I am not drinking from my fountain of life, I get weak and puny. But, as I begin to grow, I get hungry. I have realized that just as my 13 year old son eats and eats when he is growing, I grow and grow when I am eating from God’s word. The more I am feeding on scripture, the faster I seem to grow.

Growth is an amazing thing. It doesn’t matter if you are a little plant stuck in a kitchen sink, or a huge oak in a forest of trees. If you have the right water, food, and sunlight… you are going to grow! Sometimes that growth happens in quick spurts, and sometimes that growth is painful. The thing that matters is YOU’RE GROWING! Take a few minutes to enjoy where you are at in your own growth process today.

Crap!

Yes, I did. I said CRAP and I am a Christian. If that word offends you, forgive me, but I will make my point!


I have been SLOWLY getting some flower beds planted. Now I am not a green thumb and I have NO idea what I am really doing. I have had a few friends give me advice and help me along the way. But honestly, I know NOTHING.


One friend suggested that along with the special dirt I bought, you know that exspensive potting soil, that I get some compost to mix in the dirt. Now you and I know that is just a big bag of crap! As someone that isn't well informed on the processes and science of gardening I initially would think, "Why in the world should I pay $10 for a bag of seasoned soil to ruin it with a $1.50 bag of crap?" Now, I am not that ignorant and I grew up enough in the country to know that somehow that bag of crap acts as fertilizer and inspires growth.

Now I know that word sounds crude the longer I say it. But I want to make a point. What kind of crap do you have in your life? What compost do you want to get rid of? What things have you experienced that just really stink? Why mix the crap of our lives with the good soil? Why not just flush it all down the toilet and forget about it? (Oh my mother is going to have to fuss about this one! LOL She really didn't raise me to be this crude!)

Back to the question... why is the crap in our lives still important?

Isaiah 58:12 says, " You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past." This verse has become so important in my christian growth. God has shown me that a big part of my growth as a woman of God is because of the crap in my life. I am to rebuild on it. Just like we plant flowers in dirt mixed with compost, the ruins from our life help fertilize us and inspire our growth.


We all have a lot of crap...stuff that stinks...in our past. But as I am seeing daily, that stuff is what nurtures our growth and helps not only our growth, but the growth of others with whom we are willing to share the stories. How about thanking God today for the crap in your life! I know it sounds horrible.. but it is what makes your growth so significant.

Let's Be Real

Our introduction to SHINE states, “This is a ministry for real women. This is a place for you to be whoever you are in the moment, perfect or not.” So, I have decided to just be real. I’m going to be me… right now, in this moment, and it is definitely NOT perfect!

Opening up my life to this point scares me half to death. I could talk myself out easily debating how not only I may be viewed, must my methods to ministry as well. SO WHAT! God has called me to be real, and that is what I am going to be! I by no means want to offend anyone, step on anyone’s toes, or hinder anyone’s spiritual growth. My goal is to be real, open, honest, and sincere. My goal is to live life striving for the best and letting God shine through the areas where I screw up.

We all screw up. We all have areas where we are weak. We all do things that other Christians may or may not agree with. We are each individuals of God’s creation; and thankfully, He is not a boring creator!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now the next part of what I am going to say is a bit harder. I have written three paragraphs and trashed them all because I am just having a hard time knowing how to put it. What I want to say is, “We all want to impress those around us to some extent.” Some do it more than others. Some will claim it is because they don’t want to offend. But, ultimately, we all seek a bit of fellow approval. So at the risk of losing approval… here I go…

As I was sitting in the bed, having my journaling time, drinking a Smirnoff, (YES… I said it!) I was praying about what to write in today’s blog. No, I wasn’t convicted about the drink of choice. There I go. I have just deleted three sentences of defense. That is between God and I, and I know where I stand.

Anyway, as I sat in my bed, a friend popped up online and asked if it would be ok to call. I could tell from the urgency that this was important. My friend needed someone. (We will assume it is a female just to make references easier.) She called and proceeded to tell me how she has been struggling with drinking. IMAGINE THAT… drinking! It had become an extreme issue for her because it was taking over her life.

We discussed all the stresses she was under. She totally has faced more sorrow in the past year than one person should have to face in a life time. She was obviously depressed, mad at herself, and weak. There was NO way I knew what she was really dealing with. But, I listened, and I shared my weaknesses with her. She was so ashamed of her problem, but just didn’t seem to know how to get the strength to overcome.

How many of us deal with that? You see, drinking may be your obsession and not mine. I may be able to have a drink once every six months and you may depend on it to make it through another stressful day. You may be able to chat to friends online all night long, but if I start chatting online, Satan quickly leads me to a shameful life of sexual immorality. Each of us has our area of weakness.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Am I promoting sin? Weakness? Drinking? Sexual Immortality? BY NO MEANS!!! What I am saying is that God knows our weaknesses. He knows how we were formed. He loves us despite our weaknesses. Don’t let your weakness keep you hidden. Don’t let the shame keep you from shining for Him.

Matthew 5 is well known by many Christians as the Beatitudes. I want you to read the entire chapter, but listen especially to this:

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. (Hmm… that sounds like struggling with sin) With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You’re blessed when you feel like you have lost what is most dear to you. (Could that be your reputation?) Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are (weaknesses and all) - no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”

Do you see what Jesus is saying here? We are blessed when we are willing to let HIM SHINE through us, imperfections and all. He wants to use us. Yes, He wants to change us; make us better; create in us a new likeness of Him. But… IN OUR WEAKNESS HE IS MADE STRONG! The thing to remember is that we still always need to constantly be striving for better in our lives so that we don’t become stagnate or lukewarm.

We ended our conversation in prayer and I am trusting God to do a work of encouragement in her life. Not to mention… God gave me a gentle reminder. I too need to be careful. There are many things that are innocent in the beginning and Satan can quickly turn them into traps to keep us from God’s full blessings in our life. I challenge you to share your weakness with someone today. Just as my friend and I laughed over my friend’s fear to tell me she had a drinking problem as I was taking a sip myself… God uses those kinds of things to let us touch others for Him.