Tuesday, November 13, 2012

What If?

What if I lose my house? What if my kids get hurt? What if he never talks to me again? What if... what if? Do you live in fear of the "What ifs" of life?

I, too, struggle sometimes with the "What ifs" of life. The most recent "what if" has become so haunting, it almost makes me sick to think about it. It isn't that I don't trust God, but I fear getting to the point that it is too hard and I somehow stop trusting. What if I am not strong enough during the next trial?

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Writer's Block

I really don't know what to say. Those who know me are probably dying laughing or fallen over in shock at the very utterance of those words from this gal. But it is true. As much as my desire has been overwhelming to be in ministry and do what I know I am called to do... my lack of knowing what to say or write on a blog has been equally overwhelming.

I don't understand it, but it has kept me from posting to SHINE. And that alone, frustrates me and makes me feel inadequate. I am so tired of feeling like I am inconsistent. Yet, once again, I will say as I have numerous times before... I just want to be REAL. I hear it already... how can you all be sure I am real if you never hear from me. :( Sad face.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Confirmation: A Follow-up to "For Better or Worse"

Can I just say, I LOVE how my God works!!! If you haven't read the previous post, "For Better or Worse," read it before you read this one.

Just after posting, I was doing my normal morning routine of prayer and then opening my Bible asking God to show me what He had for me today. And, of course, in His faithfulness, I opened the scripture to Lamentations. Chapter 2 and 3 give good context, but I want to especially show you how God's Word is so in touch with where we are.

Remember the "hope" I spoke about in the last post? Listen to Lamentations 3:19-32, taken from The Message:

I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all-oh, how well I remember-the feeling of hitting bottom. But there's one thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope.

For Better or Worse

Many people don’t even know it yet, but a month ago my husband left me. The details aren’t important for anyone but us, but I have to say, this has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. Every moment seems to be interrupted with “WHY?” We would have celebrated our one year wedding anniversary in just one more month. How in the world could something like this happen?

The details of my relationship and how we got to this point are not what is important. The important thing is what God has been teaching me through all this. And let me tell you, it has been quite a bit. Trust, faith, forgiveness, SELF-CONTROL…all lessons I apparently need to learn.

As I sat in my new favorite chair this morning having my little mind prayer with God, (you know where you really aren’t saying anything, but your thinking and expect God to know you are talking to Him) I looked up and saw the picture hanging over our bed. It is from our wedding day. We are looking in each other’s eyes as if couldn’t take our eyes off each other. The love we shared just seems to radiate through the picture. Again the thoughts flooded my mind, “What happened?”

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Dwindle or Shine

Forgive me friends for not posting the past few weeks. Life has, yet again, thrown me quite a few curve balls. It seems just when you sit down and sigh, "Finally, my life is settling," that it is in what seems to be uproar again. Many of you know the feeling. I am seeing more and more that it isn't just my crazy life, but the craziness of life in general. If I am going to be completely honest, it isn't even about that, especially for those of us who are Christians. I am seeing more and more that those things we want to call "crazy", or "bad luck", or even "dysfunction" are proof of the time and place we are living.

God is making me more and more aware that this life isn't about us. The more we focus on us, the more we are missing what all this "craziness" is all about. We are made in the image of God. There is nothing else Satan wants to do more than to ruin other people's image of God. When non-believers look on our lives they are looking to see if our fire for Christ dwindles or shines. We aren't here on earth for our own agendas. We are here to be the image of Christ.

There is so much I want to share... my thoughts are so scattered...but, I want you to know that just because I don't make a post every week, or even ever again (which is DEFINITELY NOT my plan) that whatever you are going through... it isn't about you!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Why Do You Read the Bible?

Why do you read the Bible? It almost seems like one of those, "stupid" questions because everyone knows the answer. But, do you?

Even as I pose the question, I have to stop...

What is my answer?........................ What IS my answer?.................................. What is YOUR answer?...
Now, I know you are waiting for my answer...aren't you? The Bible was God's gift to us; a kind of glimpse into the heart of God. But, are we really valuing it as such?

Friday, February 17, 2012

What's Your Season?

Just the title brings a melody to mind. "To everything... turn, turn, turn. There is a season...." As I post to SHINE for the first time in over a year, these words come immediately to heart. If you have followed SHINE in the past, you know that I have been very open and honest about the joys, sorrows, triumphs, and struggles of my spiritual life. Abandoning SHINE or the ministry I know God has for me in it, has never been my intention. But of course, as Satan is the supreme accuser...my first thought would be of guilt and shame that I could not be consistent throughout this past year with SHINE. Thus, the song running through my head: "To everything.... there is a season."