I sit looking at a list of bills that are bigger than I am. My days have been full of worry, frustration, and pure exhaustion from try to
figure out how in the world I am going to pay everything. My van is broke down. My son is facing major surgery. I just took on a new financial commitment in faith... of course, before everything started going wrong. The list goes on and on. And now, right as things seemed to start looking up and I was getting on my feet, everything has seemed to go wrong, with each of those areas hinging on something financial.
I am living in fear. Fear this bill won't get paid. Fear my van won't get fixed. Fear my son's surgery may have complications, if it even gets approved...fear it won't. Fear I will lose my house because I am behind on house payments. Fear grasps me. It overwhelms me. It consumes me. It rules me!
What? What was that I said? It rules me? WOAH!!!!
Isn't God supposed to be my ruler? Isn't he supposed to consume me? Isn't the Holy Spirit supposed to overwhelm me? Isn't God's Word supposed to grasp me?
FEAR has unknowingly become my idol. Has it become yours as well?
As God enlightened me with this conviction this morning the verse came to mind in 1 Timothy 1:7 that says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." That word fear, means excessive dread.
I have become so fearful, so consumed with the thought of losses: loss of transportation, loss of finances, loss os security, loss of hope...these fears are NOT from God, yet they rule me. I have been putting that fear above my faith in the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Almighty Physician, Perfect Bridegroom...my Husband, my Provider, my Prince of Peace.
God gives us power not to live in fear. He gives us power to live in victory. HE GIVES US POWER TO LIVE IN FAITH!!!