3 am honesty... In the moments of silence, back hurting-not sure if it's indigestion or anxiety, because it's piercing through my chest and ribs- I'm trying not to feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
All I really want right now is relief...
not just from the back pain, but all the little things that have seemed to pile p over the last month and just weigh me down. My muscles are weak. Not just my physical muscles, but spiritual ones as well. Maybe they aren't weak, but they definitely are at the point of having to fight them giving out.
On the physical standpoint, my thyroid is out of whack which causes everything to go haywire. On a spiritual standpoint...it's only by the grace of God I can keep moving forward.
I had a massage the other day, which is really good for fibromyalgia... when done regularly, but if it isn't continued on a consistent...it just kind of gets the muscles stirred up and causes them to wake up enough to know how bad they really hurt.
I don't want to be like that spiritually. I don't want to just massage my spiritual muscles and stir them up and then not be consistent. I think that is what a lot of people do by attending church every now and then or spending time with God for 15 minutes every other week or so. They get just enough of God to stir up their muscles... they start feeling a relief from the tensions of life... it feels good in that moment, but then they just stop massaging the muscles and then feel the pain cause the answers they seek don't show up immediately.
One thing I have learned about God and His ways is that they are therapeutic and exactly what we need, but not normally an instant fix. There are some things in us that just have to be worked out of us. They need regular massages from the Master's hands.
The problem is, we get that 15 minute massage and things feel relieved and we just kind of move on. Then when we start feeling the pain from our muscles being loosened up and those knots start coming to the surface.... we either don't want to deal with the pain of continuing to work it out... or we don't want to pay the price for a more thorough treatment.
I may not be able to monetarily afford to get those consistent massage treatments that would help work out those painful knots from fibromyalgia, but I don't want to miss the relief God has for me spiritually by enduring the immediate pains of spiritual growth as He massages my spiritual muscles.
Yes, it is easy to complain about the circumstances of life... even the pressure from the spiritual trials that seem to be aggravating my spiritual muscles so much right now; but I have to remind myself that I am in the Master's hands and HIS hands are the ones that heal and work out all the things that seem to pierce right through my heart in the moment.
Don't just settle for a 15 minute spiritual massage. Let God has his way with you. Spend time in His hands. Let Him work out those things that are hiding deep in your spiritual tissues. And most importantly.... don't just stop coming to Him when the pain of the treatment gets painful...sometimes the most thorough healing comes through the pain of letting God work out those things knotted up in your life.