Many people don’t even know it yet, but a month ago my husband left me. The details aren’t important for anyone but us, but I have to say, this has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. Every moment seems to be interrupted with “WHY?” We would have celebrated our one year wedding anniversary in just one more month. How in the world could something like this happen?
The details of my relationship and how we got to this point are not what is important. The important thing is what God has been teaching me through all this. And let me tell you, it has been quite a bit. Trust, faith, forgiveness, SELF-CONTROL…all lessons I apparently need to learn.
As I sat in my new favorite chair this morning having my little mind prayer with God, (you know where you really aren’t saying anything, but your thinking and expect God to know you are talking to Him) I looked up and saw the picture hanging over our bed. It is from our wedding day. We are looking in each other’s eyes as if couldn’t take our eyes off each other. The love we shared just seems to radiate through the picture. Again the thoughts flooded my mind, “What happened?”
As I started to be devastated at what now seems an impossible reality, God opened my eyes a little as He spoke to my heart. “Don’t you realize that is what I want from you? Let ME have your heart. I will always walk through this world with you. Isn’t that what I promise to do? You are in the world, but not of the world. Things in the world you may not always understand, but let me have your heart and WE’LL walk hand in hand.”
“But God, I wanted my husband to be the one to walk through life with me!”
Ouch! I just realized I had told God his companionship was not as important as my desire for my husband. But, God is so merciful. He knows our hearts. He began to remind me of HIS faithfulness. He reminded me that HE has never left me nor forsaken me. He reminded me that HE is the one that ALWAYS carries me, for better or worse, in sickness and health, in good times and bad. HE IS MY HUSBAND!
Then, just as quickly as He gently reminded me that HE is my husband and HE is the one that wants my heart so HE can walk through this world with me, He reminded me of my marriage vows. You see, there are days that are extremely hard not to be angry. There are days that lead me to believe it is over and I will never have the love I have desired with all my heart. There are days, I even question my ability to hear God because of my current situation. And, there are days, I think, “How can I ever have faith of restoration? It’s over.”
My vows were for better or worse, in sickness and health, in good times and bad. Let me tell you, THIS is the “worse”; this is the “bad.” Yet, my vow was to honor my husband. I made a commitment to him.
YOU KNOW, God always uses life to teach us spiritual lessons. If I give up now, just because things have gotten hard…just because it SEEMS like my husband has forsaken me, then I will never know if there will ever be restoration. I will go on as if we never had that once radiating love for one another. If I stop fighting in my heart for the love… then there will be no love to win. In the same way I committed myself to my husband, I committed myself to Christ.
I honestly don’t know how things will turn out with my husband, but I know I have committed myself to love him. God opened my eyes to how much more HIS unconditional love is. He also showed me that being the bride of Christ isn’t always an easy task. NO, God will never leave or forsake us, but sometimes Satan will make us think that He has.
How committed are you to Christ? Have you married yourself to Him? Good times, healthy times, better times…yes, but what about in sickness, bad times, or the “worse” times? We ARE the bride of Christ! If we can’t keep our vows to people we see and touch and feel, how do we expect to keep our vows to someone we can’t touch or see?
Our pastor spoke just a few weeks ago on the parallel of marriage and our relationship with Christ. Satan wants so badly to destroy any hope we have in Christ. He wants to destroy our hope in anything that is an image of His love and our relationship with God. I honestly believe that is why so many marriages are under attack today. We as women crave love and affection. We have lost our hope in relationships. We have lost our hope in love. And in turn, many of us have lost our hope in God.
Hope is the evidence of things not yet seen. I have “hope” that my marriage will one day be restored, even though in my sight I can’t even begin to imagine how that could happen. And I have “hope” in a heavenly Father who will take my heart and walk through this world with me. In good times, bad times, sickness, health, for better or worse, Christ is holding our heart and our hands. The question is: are you going to put your hope in Him? It’s not that hard in the good time, when you’re healthy, and things are the best. But He wants you to trust Him in your sickness, in times that are bad, and when things look the worst. Hold onto Jesus and let HIM be your husband today!